Yesterday I was thinking what it would be like to live in a community where everyone is happy and trustworthy. You would have a lot of really good friends and your children would be able to play outside without much supervision. You wouldn’t have to worry about gossip and cruel people, oh how nice that would be. I wish a place like that existed. To wake up and hear the birds chirping and just knowing your day is going to be the happiest day you could ever imagine. I have happy days all the time with my family, but I am really talking about me not being able to trust other people. I don’t understand how to form friendships and how to trust other people. I have no friends; just family, I long to have friends but have no clue on how to make them or keep them.

I wish I could wake up tomorrow with a nice new shiny button on my belly. A button I can push and change my size and appearance. One day I could be skinny. The next day I could be fat. Life would be so cool that way. You could try on a new size every day. Wake up and say hmmm I would like to be a super obese person today and just press the magic button or maybe you would like to be as skinny as a super model, well what are you waiting for go ahead and push that magic button, if life were that easy. Instead I have to keep living in this fat body that I created all by myself from over eating and shoving the food down my throat like I was starving and have never ever ate anything in my entire life. I wish I could lose the weight as fast as I gained it, but life just isn’t that easy. I have been eating better since March 2012 and I have managed to lose 28lbs. I still have many more pounds to go, but I plan on being at my goal weight by my 40^th birthday, which is in April of 2013. I can’t wait to be happy and healthy. I will be there before I know it. I told my daughter I am just going to pretend that I am pregnant and I will be giving birth to a way happier healthy me in about 10 months, it is just like being pregnant only you eat much better and healthier like you should if you are pregnant. I can still dream about that magic button that everyone should have installed on them.